Self-care: Really, Just Another Thing on My To-do List!

Why Mental Self-Care Feels So Hard

Most of us know what it means to take care of our bodies. From the time we were young, we were taught routines like brushing our teeth, washing our hands, eating vegetables, and getting enough sleep. These habits became ingrained—daily practices that help us stay healthy without much thought.

But when it comes to mental self-care, many of us feel like we’re starting from scratch. Why? Because unlike physical hygiene, mental hygiene was rarely modeled or taught to us growing up. We weren’t shown how to pause and check in with our feelings, how to calm an anxious mind, or how to set healthy boundaries. In fact, many of us were encouraged to “push through,” “be strong,” or “ignore it and move on.”

So when we reach adulthood and realize we need mental self-care, it doesn’t feel automatic—it feels like learning a brand-new skill. And new skills take time, practice, and patience.

Some of the common barriers include:

• Lack of early modeling. If no one showed us what healthy emotional care looks like, it can feel foreign or even “selfish.”

• Invisible benefits. Brushing your teeth leaves them clean instantly; journaling, breathing exercises, or therapy may not have such immediate, obvious results.

• Cultural pressure. Our society often rewards productivity over rest, making self-care feel indulgent rather than necessary.

• Overcomplication. We think self-care has to be elaborate (spa days, retreats), when often it’s small, daily practices that make the real difference.

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The good news? Just like physical hygiene, mental self-care can become a habit with repetition. The more we practice—even in small ways—the more natural it feels. Over time, checking in with your thoughts and emotions can become as routine as brushing your teeth.

Mental self-care isn’t selfish—it’s foundational. It’s what allows us to show up fully for ourselves and for others. Check out the national surveys on self-care and successful strategies from the National Council for Mental Wellbeing, Mental First Aid. 

Why Balance Feels So Out of Reach

Teaching ourselves to notice our emotions and thoughts—to name them, to work with them—is one of the most powerful tools for mental well-being. It gives us the ability to create balance, the same way brushing our teeth or eating nutritious food creates balance for our bodies.

But if balance is the foundation of both physical and mental self-care, why do so many of us feel so out of balance?

One reason is that balance requires presence. It asks us to slow down, to listen inward, to notice what feels “too much” and what feels “not enough.” Yet society doesn’t encourage slowing down. Instead, we are constantly pulled into the next thing—notifications, deadlines, 24/7 news cycles, entertainment on demand. The constant noise and stimulation hijack our attention, and when our attention is scattered, balance slips away.

We also live in a culture that prizes achievement, busyness, and productivity more than rest, reflection, or emotional honesty. Many of us learned early on to push through discomfort rather than pause and tend to it. Over time, that conditioning leaves us unpracticed in the art of self-regulation and balance.

So the question isn’t just “How do I care for myself?” but also “How do I resist being pulled into a culture of imbalance?” The therapeutic approach of Internal Family Systems Therapy is all about regaining understanding and balance in your system. 

A few gentle starting points:

• Practice micro-pauses. Even 30 seconds of deep breathing between tasks reminds your nervous system that you can slow down.

• Name what’s happening. Saying “I feel overwhelmed” or “I notice my mind is racing” is a way of acknowledging and working with thoughts, rather than being ruled by them.

• Reclaim simple rhythms. Just as teeth brushing and hand washing became automatic, small grounding practices (like walking outside, journaling, or setting phone-free times) can become the hygiene of mental balance.

  
  

Balance isn’t about perfection—it’s about noticing when we’ve tipped too far in one direction and gently guiding ourselves back. In a noisy, fast-moving world, reclaiming balance is both an act of self-care and a quiet form of resistance.

          Here’s How To Start Slow

App Recommendations

 Calm, HeadSpace, and Rootd

• Daily Grounding: Notice your surroundings, step outside without your device, pick an object in the room and notice your thoughts about it  

• Breathing: Take 3 deep breathes before answering an email or picking up a call

• Digital boundaries: Set specific times to check news or social media instead of constant scrolling.

• Single-tasking: Pick one task, silence distractions, and do it with full presence.

• Check-in question: Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”—then respond kindly.

• Compassion breaks: Remind yourself, “It’s okay to be human,” especially when mistakes happen

• Ritual of closure: Create an end-of-day routine (shut the laptop, light a candle, stretch).

• Sensory reset: Notice smells, sounds, or textures around you to bring yourself back into the present.

• Joy sprinkling: Intentionally add something small you enjoy each day (tea, music, flowers, laughter)

Ready to take the next step…

Start with Awareness

Before you add new practices, take stock of your current habits. Ask yourself:

• Why do I do what I do? 

• When do I feel most stressed or drained?

• What activities leave me feeling energized or calm?

• What areas of my life (sleep, nutrition, relationships, downtime) need more care?

This reflection helps you design a routine that addresses your real needs instead of copying someone else’s. 

Keep It Simple

A self-care routine doesn’t need to be complicated. Pick one or two practices you can realistically do daily or weekly. For example:

• Drinking a full glass of water first thing in the morning

• Going for a 10-minute walk

• Journaling for five minutes before bed

Small, consistent actions add up to long-term benefits.

Include Different Types of Self-Care

Self-care has many layers. A well-rounded routine usually includes:

• Physical care: Sleep, movement, healthy meals, regular checkups

• Emotional care: Talking to a friend, journaling, therapy, checking in with your own emotions of why they show up and the importance of them

• Mental care: Reading, mindfulness, limiting screen time, recognizing thought patterns and attending to the importance of them

• Social care: Spending quality time with loved ones, setting boundaries, limiting screens in social settings, looking at individuals in the face

• Spiritual care (if meaningful to you): Meditation, prayer, time in nature

Balance across these areas helps you feel more grounded and resilient.

Make It Flexible, Not Rigid

A self-care routine should support you, not stress you out. Build in flexibility:

• Have a “menu” of options to choose from depending on your mood or energy

• Give yourself permission to skip a day without guilt

• Adjust your routine as your life changes

Consistency matters—but perfection is not the goal.

Set Reminders & Rituals

New habits stick better with structure. Try:

• Setting a phone reminder

• Linking a self-care habit to something you already do (ex: stretch after brushing your teeth)

• Creating a calming bedtime ritual (reading, journaling, deep breathing)

The easier it is to remember, the more natural it will feel.

Check In Regularly

Every few weeks, reflect: Is this working for me? Do I feel better? What needs adjusting? Self-care is not one-size-fits-all—it evolves with you.

In Conclusion

Mental self-care may never feel as automatic as brushing your teeth—but it can become just as natural with practice. The truth is, caring for your inner world isn’t a luxury or an “extra task” on your to-do list. It’s the foundation that allows you to meet life’s demands with more steadiness, clarity, and compassion. Mental self-care, like brushing teeth, isn’t dramatic or glamorous—it’s ordinary, and that’s what makes it powerful. Every small act of awareness, every pause, every gentle choice to care for yourself is not wasted—it’s a step toward balance.

In a culture that glorifies busyness, choosing to slow down and tend to your mind is more than self-care—it’s an act of quiet resistance. And over time, these small, steady practices weave into rhythms that sustain you. Start simple, start kind, and let self-care become less of a chore and more of a way of being. If you need guidance on any of these practices listed above or just knowing where to get started, you can contact us at 21 Reflections Professional Counseling. 

-Lauren Brymer, MA, LCPC, CADC